So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
