its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
