I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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