were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
