im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
