I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
