Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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