Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The struggles of a small town man whore
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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