Got a toothbrush?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
