do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize