plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
