I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I forget how to act sober
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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