do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
