If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
