I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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