I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
