I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
