giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
