Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
