Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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