i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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