Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
