So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
