Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
