By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
