I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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