wrigley field is MILF paradise
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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