Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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