If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Randomize
