I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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