Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
