loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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