My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
