Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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