HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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