I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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