turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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