tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
