She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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