people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
