So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i will never coherently bang her
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
