i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize