I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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