after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
