They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
