Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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