How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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