im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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