At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
