my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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