grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
