so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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