im drinking this country out of the recession.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
