You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
