just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
