I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
nutella sex= disaster
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
