gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
