Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
