my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
