Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
