my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
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