Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
