fuck your aforementioned shoe
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
