so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
