So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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