Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
