Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
