You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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