Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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