You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
